Tag: Weight Loss

Double title: Don’t ruin a perfectly nice compliment vs. what makes you assume…..?

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I was feeling a bit confused on what I should title this blog entry. You’ll see why… On one hand, is it a lesson of the backhanded compliment or a lesson of making assumptions? I don’t know. I haven’t decided. You choose.

So I’m at the gym today, doing back day, which is my least favorite day, for two reasons. 1. I have a weak and easily injured back and have to be super careful with my form and lift pretty light and 2. it incorporates floor exercises like planks and weighted hip thrusts and so on that I find so dreadfully boring. It should be noted that I only did one of three rounds of those exercises today because… ugh. Most days I win at my workout and today was no different, but I did call it a day 2 rounds early. I still got over an hour of a good sweat in so…. I’m okay with it.

I’ve mentioned before that when I get to the gym, I get into my zone. I do my cardio during my one minute “rest” periods between sets and my music choice makes or breaks my zone for the day. I am very specific and particular about the music I have on my work out play list and (sidenote, by the way) sometimes I listen to the same 3 songs over and over again because that’s the way I’m feeling that day. Some days it’s all 80’s hair bands. Most days it’s a blend of all the things. *I’m off track here* MY POINT IS>>>> I get my groove on. I dance, I bop around, I lip sync. I don’t care. I’m having fun and if it’s not fun for me, I won’t do it.

I usually am ignored (preferred) or get side eye (whatever, who cares, I have no shame) when I’m dancing around the gym and busting my ass, but today there was a gentleman I could tell was kind of keeping an eye on me. We exchanged smiles and a brief hello as we moved around each other in the same space. Just as I was calling my first round of floor exercises also my last round, he came up and introduced himself. We’ll call him Dan (his name was not Dan); he was in VERY good shape and, as I found out a minute from now, was 65 and a retired track coach. Awesome! He shook my hand and said “I’ve been working out my entire life an have never seen anyone bring the party to the gym the way you do.” And he said it with mad respect. I was tickled pink! I exclaimed “THANK YOU! I have so much fun and just jive out to my tunes and it makes my work out so much better!” We chatted for a few minutes and it was very pleasant and then, at least for me, turned a bit backwards.

Keep in mind I have zero doubt that this gentleman was coming from a very well meaning place, and that he really, truly did have mad respect and admiration for WHAT HE COULD SEE of me and what I was doing there. He then proceeded to tell me about his friend who lost nearly 400 pounds in 3 years with a combination of diet and exercise. And about a facebook group that provided him with fitness motivation. And how diet and staying active is so important to weight loss. And so on.

*PAUSE*….. I’m a fat woman. I know this. I have taken drastic measures to not be. I have weighed less. I have weight A LOT more. Alas, I am still a fat woman. But I’m still a success story. ALL I WANTED was to be able to walk and move with some level of ease and without debilitating foot pain. To maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle. Check, check, check. Goal achieved. Do I hope to take off my regain? Absolutely. Do I work every day to make the best choices for my overall health? No question. Do I hate myself because I’m still heavy? FUCK NO. I bust my ass. I am relatively smart and funny, I’m educated, I’m an awesome fucking person and friend and family member and wife and employee. My weight does not define me. *granted, I think I’m just now finally figuring that out, but you catch my drift here, yes?*

So what’s the problem, right? I walked home from my workout and the conversation just wasn’t settling well. Again, I reiterate that I fully recognize that he was trying to give me kudos and make comment on my awesomeness (because duh); but what was bothering me was… why would he assume I was trying to lose weight? Why would he take it upon himself to provide advice or insight on how to lose weight? Not all fat girls want to be thin. Not all thin girls want to be thin! As my husband would say “none of us have the body we want” and as Fergie would say, I was just there “working on my fitness.” Granted, my arms are flying everywhere. I try to keep my belly tucked away, but I can’t do anything about my booty and jiggly thighs. And it’s okay, gosh darn it.

Here’s the thing. I don’t look at Ashley Graham and think “she’s so pretty and fantastic, but poor girl just can’t get the weight off.

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You know what I think when I see this photo? I am mad jelly that I have two tummy rolls that prevent me from wearing a two piece (even a tankini is questionable for my body). She’s fucking gorgeous and her confidence EXUDES from her. I bet she eats well and works out. I bet she does things to take care of her body and treat it like the temple that it is.

You know what I see when I look at this picture?

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YOU GO GIRL! I think, that person is curvy and sweaty and HAPPY. Overweight? Yeah, I guess, that’s true, too, but it’s not the first thing I see (shocking, I know). If this person was not me, I wouldn’t see her at the gym and think “oh, good for her for trying to lose weight” I’d think “fuck yeah for working their shit, WHATEVER THAT MAY MEAN for that person.” Do you see where I’m going with this?

“Good job” and … “here is some advice on how to lose weight” does not feel like the compliment I know it was intended to be. It feels bad. The TRUTH is, I AM working on losing weight. I am. But Dan doesn’t know that. And it shouldn’t be assumed that I want to be talked to about it when I’m busting my ass and dancing around and all smiles. Dan doesn’t know anything about me or where I’ve come from and it doesn’t feel good to have that journey be assumed by someone you have never met. For all he knows, I’m not trying to lose weight at all and am perfectly content. I can talk weight loss and struggles and successes and failures and hear difficult feedback and thoughts and advice from people who KNOW me and know what my daily struggles are. I welcome those conversations because they are coming from people who are like my family.

But, Dan, “you rock and keep up the great work” would have sufficed.

I’m going to make it my personal mission to tell five people in the next week that I recognize their hard work. Period. No “but” and no advice. Just a non assumptive, good ‘ole recognition of their awesomeness.

End Rant. Happy Easter Weekend, friends! ❤

A heart’s infinite ability

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As you know, I have been very reflective of my relationships of late. People to draw toward, to draw away from, to learn how to still love and hold dear friendships that may not always meet my expectations, to have more respect for the time I invest, both in others and myself (I can very easily make plans all the nights with all the people and neglect my relationship with ME).

This has been, thus far, one of the best years of my life. I have celebrated milestone birthdays in Vegas; I have wine tasted in Northern California with friends are the kind of friends that are just…. home to my heart; I have driven to Western Puget Sound to spend time with my weight loss family; I spent a week in Boston with someone who thinks so much like me, we often say what the other is thinking, a woman I just adore beyond measure; I reconnected with an old friend who now lives in Hull, MA; I have traveled to celebrate one of my dearest friends’ birthday in full St. Patrick’s Day style, laughing so so hard and officially earning a new nickname within the group; I have had good conversations with a few ex boyfriends/ ex lovers/ ex  whatevers; I have spent quality time with my brother, who is my absolute favorite person in the world; and I have watched my grandmother, who is in her 80’s, take our entire family down in Cards Against Humanity. I am experiencing live as a wife … who has a husband. That is weird. And amazing. And … it’s just become this quiet depth I cannot put words to. It’s been so so much good. I have eaten fine food and drunk fine wines and I’ve just had SO MUCH LOVE and joy.

The more I make space for myself, and my marriage, and for listening to myself in regards to other relationships with friends and family, the more I feel my heart expanding. The more I feel my soul take deep, satisfying sighs that are both silent and loud all at the same time. I feel a sense of peace I haven’t felt in a long time.

I spent a day and night with a friend I’ve known 16 years, but haven’t seen in about 9 (I’d guess). It was like not a day had passed other than… we’ve lived a lot of life in those 9 years and had much to catch up on. But the spark that has always drawn me to her is still there, is still burning bright. This woman… she is gold. Pure gold. And when she left this morning, my chest actually hurt. I drove to an appointment with my hand over my chest, just… feeling my heart beat, aching. And it wasn’t sadness or loss, it was simply just bursting with happiness and love. And although, rationally, we all know this, it was one of those strong emotional “ah-ha” moments of the truly infinite nature of one’s heart. How blessed I am to be able to so fully and genuinely love so many different kinds of people in so many different kinds of ways.  How  GRATEFUL I am, also, to feel so much love from others.

I am simply fulfilled in the most delightful ways. And I needed to express my gratitude for that… to you, to myself, to the universe.

Sausage Sweet Potato Hash (Whole30)

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This dish is literally like crack to me. I can eat it for every meal until it’s gone (usually about 3 days). It is so. so. yummy.

INGREDIENTS

  • 2 large sweet potatoes or 3 small to medium (about 3-4 cups), shredded with a grater
  • 1 lb pork sausage (unseasoned, organic if possible)
  • Ghee (or butter if you’re not doing Whole30)
  • Salt to taste
  • Cinnamon to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

  • Brown your sausage in a large, deep sided skillet on  medium-high heat. Drain, if necessary.
  • Add your shredded sweet potato and stir regularly for about 5 minutes.
  • Once a bit softened, add your ghee. Start with 4-6 Tbl cup, but as you fiddle with the seasoning, you may add a bit more. I am generous with this ingredient, which is probably part of the drug-like quality for me. 😉
  • Cook, stirring regularly, until ghee is melted and sweet potato is cooked through, usually another  5-8 minutes.
  • Add salt and LIBERAL cinnamon. Taste. Add more salt and cinnamon to taste. Seriously. I add more salt and cinnamon to this than I ever think is reasonable but it turns out perfectly. I usually start with 1 Tbl salt and 1 Tbl cinnamon and go from there.

I ALWAYS top this with an over medium or poached egg. getting all that yummy yolk mixed into this is literally like heaven in my mouth.

If you try this, let me know how you like it!

Bacon Deviled Eggs

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The title says it all. Basically it should be called “Delicious Yummy Goodness.”
I made these last night for movie night and I had, like, 5 halves left. They were a huge hit! nom nom nom

INGREDIENTS

  • 12 large eggs, room temperature (I leave them out overnight)
  • 6 Tbl Mayonnaise (homemade is best!)
  • 5 slices thick cut bacon, cooled and chopped finely
  • 2 Tbl pickle relish (use sugar free if you’re doing low carb/keto). I used a homemade sweet zucchini relish because I had it on hand but it did have a bit of sugar in it.
  • pinch of salt
  • pinch of pepper (optional)
  • sprinkle of paprika

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Hard boil the eggs by putting them in one layer in a pot, cover with water by at least one inch. Bring to a soft boil on the stove. Once boiling, cover, remove from heat and let sit for 13 minutes. Use a slotted spoon to put them into an ice bath (I use a large bowl with lots of ice and fill with water). Let sit for 10 minutes or so, then peel while they are chilled, but still a touch warm (they are easier to peel this way), under a trickle of running water. Dry well. (I let them sit on a paper towel for 10 or so minutes while I’m doing something else)
  2. Cut the eggs in half lengthwise and carefully squeeze the yolks out into a medium mixing bowl; crumple yolks with a fork.
  3. Add mayo into the yolks until it reaches a batter consistency.
  4. Add pickle relish and mix, adding a pinch of salt, to taste. (I put in a bit of pepper too)
  5. Add cooled, crumbled bacon and fold into yolk mixture
  6. Fill the egg halves with yolk mixture
  7. Sprinkle with paprika
  8. Eat and enjoy!!

Turkey Burger Cauliflower Bacon Casserole (low carb)

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INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 head of organic cauliflower (medium sized is perfect)
  • 1/2 cup gluten free flour (I used brown rice flour because I had it around but you can really use whatever you’d like)
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1   12 oz package of uncured bacon
  • 2 pounds ground turkey
  • 1 Tbl coconut oil (optional)
  • 1 tsp onion powder
  • 1 tsp dried oregano
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 1 tsp each salt and pepper
  • 8 oz grated cheddar cheese

SAUCE INGREDIENTS

  • 1 Tbl butter
  • 1 Tbl gluten free flour
  • 1.5 cups heavy whipping cream
  • 2 Tbl yellow mustard

INSTRUCTIONS:

  1. Steam the cauliflower until fork tender.
  2. Place cauliflower into a food processor and pulse until it resembles rice.
  3. Set aside in a bowl to cool then add the flour and salt and mix well.
  4. Cook the bacon in a large skillet until cooked. Remove with a slotted spoon to keep the bacon juice in the skillet.
  5. Transfer bacon to a paper towel lined plate to cool. Once cool, chop into pieces.
  6. Add ground turkey  and 1 Tbl oil (optional, depending on how much bacon grease you have. If you have 2 Tbl or so of grease, pass on adding oil). Cook until browned
  7. Add onion powder, oregano, garlic powder, salt, pepper and mix well.
  8. Remove turkey with a slotted spoon and transfer to a bowl.
  9. preheat oven to 350 degrees F
  10. For the sauce: Add the butter to the same skillet with the leftover grease and turkey juices and stir in the flour over low heat. Cook until the flour has absorbed the butter then add heavy cream and mustard.
  11. Continue to cook on low heat until the sauce thickens.

ASSEMBLY:

  1. Place 1/2 cup of the sauce to the bottom of a 9×13 baking dish.
  2. Spread the cauliflower mixture on the spread as evenly as possible.
  3. Place 4 oz of grated cheddar over the cauliflower.
  4. Spread the ground turkey over the cheddar evenly.
  5. Pour half of the remaining sauce over the turkey.
  6. Places the remaining cheddar over the sauce
  7. Layer the last bit of sauce over the cheddar and top with the chopped up bacon.
  8. Cover with foil and bake for 30 minutes.
  9. Uncover and bake an additional 5 minutes.
  10. Allow to cool out of the oven 20 minutes before slicing and serving.
  11. ENJOY IT (it’s so good)

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION Per serving, serves 15. 304 calories, 21g fat, 8g carbs, 1g fiber, 18g protein

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Kielbasa, Bacon & Cabbage soup

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This. Is. Amazing. End of story.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 6 slices bacon, chopped
  • 16-24 oz of Kielbasa (I used 24oz b/c the Organic pork sausage I bought came in 12oz packages)
  • 1 small head of organic chopped cabbage (about 6 cups)
  • 1/4 cup onion
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • minced garlic cloves (I used about 5)
  • 1 tsp dried thyme or 1 Tbl fresh thyme
  • 6 cups chicken broth (I had leftover turkey stock from last year so I used that!)
  • Freshly grated Parmesan for sprinkling (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:

  1. In a stockpot over medium heat, cook bacon until crisp. Use a slotted spoon to remove the bacon onto a paper towel lined plate or, as we do in our house, a paper grocery bag!
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  2. Add sliced kielbasa and saute until nicely browned.
  3. Add onion and cabbage and cook, stirring often, until softened, about 5 minutes.
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  4. Add garlic, thyme, salt and pepper, cooking 1-2 minutes more.
  5. Add broth and bring to a simmer. Cook until cabbage is tender, about 10 minutes. Season to taste (I added another teaspoon of salt)
  6. Serve with a sprinkling of Parmesan (optional)

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NOTE: The bacon I used created A LOT of grease. I poured about half out but don’t be surprised as you do want to keep about 1/4 a cup of bacon grease in  your pan for the rest of the recipe. If your bacon creates more than that, you are not obligated to throw any out, just be aware it will make it more rich (not necessarily a bad thing!) 🙂

NUTRITIONAL STATS for 6 servings, using 1lb sausage

321 cals, 21g fat, 8g carbs, 2.5g fiber, 17g protein

Sausage and Veggie Skillet

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As I officially feel more transferred into Fall, I’m doing more meal planning and seem to be erring to the side of soups and comfort food. This one pan/skillet dish met all my needs. Hot, fresh, delicious.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 3/4 lb green beans, trimmed and cut in half
  • 1 large head of broccoli, cut into florets
  • 2 large bell peppers (I used one orange, one yellow), chopped into thick squares
  • 9 oz (usually 3 sausages) sausage of your choice, sliced. I used Aidells Chicken Basil Roasted Garlic but any sausage would be good in this!
  • 6 Tbl olive oil
  • 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
  • 1 tsp paprika
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 1 Tbl each dried oregano and dried parsley
  • seasoned to taste with salt and pepper (I started with 1 tsp each and finished with more salt after cooking)
  • Optional: Grated Parmesan cheese

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper (foil can work, too).
  2. Place all chopped veggies and sausage on your sheet pan. Drizzle the olive oil and spices on top. Toss to evenly coat all the veggies (you can do this ahead of time in a bowl, too, if that’s easier for you).

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  3. Bake 15 minutes, remove from oven and flip all veggies/meat around. Bake for another 10-15 minutes or until veggies are crisp tender and sausage is browned.
  4. OPTIONAL: Sprinkle with freshly grated Parmesan cheese. (you know I did!)

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NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION:
Serves 6. 278 calories, 20g fat, 16g carbs, 5g fiber, 12g protein

Roasted Bacon Brussel Sprouts

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There are a million and one great recipes for roasted bacon brussel sprouts and while I’m sure mine is not unique, it is still darn delicious.

INGREDIENTS

  • 1 lb brussel sprouts, washed, bottoms trimmed and outer leaves removed
  • 4-5 slices of bacon, chopped
  • salt, pepper, garlic powder, paprika

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees Farenheit and line a large sheet pan with parchment paper.
  2. Spread sprouts and bacon on baking sheet and season generously with salt, pepper, garlic powder and paprika (plus anything else you may like on there!)
  3. Bake for 2530 minutes, stirring sprouts and bacon halfway through
  4. Sprouts are done when fork tender, but not OVER tender (you don’t want to overcook them). If you have smaller sprouts, you may want to cook closer to 20 minutes. Mine were medium so I cooked for 30 minutes and they were perfectly done. Larger ones may require more time.

Eat and enjoy!!

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Roasted bacon sprouts ready for fridge storage!

 

The best anti-depressant

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Let me start by saying a few things, since it’s been a hot minute since I checked in.

1. I haven’t been to the gym in about one month.

2. My eating plan has coincided with that lack of activity and I’ve not been giving it my all on making the best and healthiest choices for myself.

3. In the past week, I’ve had some stuff happen in my personal life that has me feeling simultaneously split wide open and closed up tight, like I’m deep inside a war tank.

So. With all that being said, I have not felt my best self. I was deeply moved and inspired by my time in Nashville at the WLSFA conference and even more so when I saw one of my best, dear friends  have an epically amazing recovery from some very intensive plastic surgery that will yield her the results she was looking for and lend her to feel more herself than ever. It reminded me of my end goal. And the things I need to do to get there. And then shit sort of hit the fan in my personal life and I’ve been gasping for air since.

What does that mean? It means I spent three days pretty much eating whatever I wanted and binge drinking. Think wine, donuts, macaroni and cheese, champagne and …more wine. And melted cheese tortillas. Lots of those.

So there you go… it’s all laid out for you…  I coped for three days in a way that left me bloated, numb, tired and four pounds heavier on the scale. But I had set my limit with it. I was going to give myself those three days and I needed that numbness for those days to just get through. It did it’s job, I suppose. It’s a short term solution and it did it’s job. But I’m not one to sit on the pity pot for too long because how annoying is that? I can’t really stand myself too long like that.

Today, I did what any self respecting, goal-oriented, self loving woman would do; I got my food more in line and I went to the gym. And I lifted. I went hard, I sweat hard, I pushed hard. And although I’m not numb… I am certainly feeling… I at least feel prepared to cope. And it’s amazing (side note) how a body can remember. I haven’t lifted in a month and yet my body was, albeit a little bit weaker, in great form. And ready for the burn. I’m proud I’m exercising my right to engage in my best and most favorite anti-depressant – endorphines. ACCOMPLISHMENT and fitness do so much for my self esteem and emotional well being.  If you  haven’t tried it yet, I recommend you do. 🙂

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DAY ONE back at it! Upper body lift

Until then, life goes on and I’m putting one foot in front of the other, I have the support of SO many amazing people who love me, and I’ll be back at the gym tomorrow to get another good sweat on before my trip to Boston tomorrow night.