Double title: Don’t ruin a perfectly nice compliment vs. what makes you assume…..?

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I was feeling a bit confused on what I should title this blog entry. You’ll see why… On one hand, is it a lesson of the backhanded compliment or a lesson of making assumptions? I don’t know. I haven’t decided. You choose.

So I’m at the gym today, doing back day, which is my least favorite day, for two reasons. 1. I have a weak and easily injured back and have to be super careful with my form and lift pretty light and 2. it incorporates floor exercises like planks and weighted hip thrusts and so on that I find so dreadfully boring. It should be noted that I only did one of three rounds of those exercises today because… ugh. Most days I win at my workout and today was no different, but I did call it a day 2 rounds early. I still got over an hour of a good sweat in so…. I’m okay with it.

I’ve mentioned before that when I get to the gym, I get into my zone. I do my cardio during my one minute “rest” periods between sets and my music choice makes or breaks my zone for the day. I am very specific and particular about the music I have on my work out play list and (sidenote, by the way) sometimes I listen to the same 3 songs over and over again because that’s the way I’m feeling that day. Some days it’s all 80’s hair bands. Most days it’s a blend of all the things. *I’m off track here* MY POINT IS>>>> I get my groove on. I dance, I bop around, I lip sync. I don’t care. I’m having fun and if it’s not fun for me, I won’t do it.

I usually am ignored (preferred) or get side eye (whatever, who cares, I have no shame) when I’m dancing around the gym and busting my ass, but today there was a gentleman I could tell was kind of keeping an eye on me. We exchanged smiles and a brief hello as we moved around each other in the same space. Just as I was calling my first round of floor exercises also my last round, he came up and introduced himself. We’ll call him Dan (his name was not Dan); he was in VERY good shape and, as I found out a minute from now, was 65 and a retired track coach. Awesome! He shook my hand and said “I’ve been working out my entire life an have never seen anyone bring the party to the gym the way you do.” And he said it with mad respect. I was tickled pink! I exclaimed “THANK YOU! I have so much fun and just jive out to my tunes and it makes my work out so much better!” We chatted for a few minutes and it was very pleasant and then, at least for me, turned a bit backwards.

Keep in mind I have zero doubt that this gentleman was coming from a very well meaning place, and that he really, truly did have mad respect and admiration for WHAT HE COULD SEE of me and what I was doing there. He then proceeded to tell me about his friend who lost nearly 400 pounds in 3 years with a combination of diet and exercise. And about a facebook group that provided him with fitness motivation. And how diet and staying active is so important to weight loss. And so on.

*PAUSE*….. I’m a fat woman. I know this. I have taken drastic measures to not be. I have weighed less. I have weight A LOT more. Alas, I am still a fat woman. But I’m still a success story. ALL I WANTED was to be able to walk and move with some level of ease and without debilitating foot pain. To maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle. Check, check, check. Goal achieved. Do I hope to take off my regain? Absolutely. Do I work every day to make the best choices for my overall health? No question. Do I hate myself because I’m still heavy? FUCK NO. I bust my ass. I am relatively smart and funny, I’m educated, I’m an awesome fucking person and friend and family member and wife and employee. My weight does not define me. *granted, I think I’m just now finally figuring that out, but you catch my drift here, yes?*

So what’s the problem, right? I walked home from my workout and the conversation just wasn’t settling well. Again, I reiterate that I fully recognize that he was trying to give me kudos and make comment on my awesomeness (because duh); but what was bothering me was… why would he assume I was trying to lose weight? Why would he take it upon himself to provide advice or insight on how to lose weight? Not all fat girls want to be thin. Not all thin girls want to be thin! As my husband would say “none of us have the body we want” and as Fergie would say, I was just there “working on my fitness.” Granted, my arms are flying everywhere. I try to keep my belly tucked away, but I can’t do anything about my booty and jiggly thighs. And it’s okay, gosh darn it.

Here’s the thing. I don’t look at Ashley Graham and think “she’s so pretty and fantastic, but poor girl just can’t get the weight off.

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You know what I think when I see this photo? I am mad jelly that I have two tummy rolls that prevent me from wearing a two piece (even a tankini is questionable for my body). She’s fucking gorgeous and her confidence EXUDES from her. I bet she eats well and works out. I bet she does things to take care of her body and treat it like the temple that it is.

You know what I see when I look at this picture?

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YOU GO GIRL! I think, that person is curvy and sweaty and HAPPY. Overweight? Yeah, I guess, that’s true, too, but it’s not the first thing I see (shocking, I know). If this person was not me, I wouldn’t see her at the gym and think “oh, good for her for trying to lose weight” I’d think “fuck yeah for working their shit, WHATEVER THAT MAY MEAN for that person.” Do you see where I’m going with this?

“Good job” and … “here is some advice on how to lose weight” does not feel like the compliment I know it was intended to be. It feels bad. The TRUTH is, I AM working on losing weight. I am. But Dan doesn’t know that. And it shouldn’t be assumed that I want to be talked to about it when I’m busting my ass and dancing around and all smiles. Dan doesn’t know anything about me or where I’ve come from and it doesn’t feel good to have that journey be assumed by someone you have never met. For all he knows, I’m not trying to lose weight at all and am perfectly content. I can talk weight loss and struggles and successes and failures and hear difficult feedback and thoughts and advice from people who KNOW me and know what my daily struggles are. I welcome those conversations because they are coming from people who are like my family.

But, Dan, “you rock and keep up the great work” would have sufficed.

I’m going to make it my personal mission to tell five people in the next week that I recognize their hard work. Period. No “but” and no advice. Just a non assumptive, good ‘ole recognition of their awesomeness.

End Rant. Happy Easter Weekend, friends! ❤

A heart’s infinite ability

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As you know, I have been very reflective of my relationships of late. People to draw toward, to draw away from, to learn how to still love and hold dear friendships that may not always meet my expectations, to have more respect for the time I invest, both in others and myself (I can very easily make plans all the nights with all the people and neglect my relationship with ME).

This has been, thus far, one of the best years of my life. I have celebrated milestone birthdays in Vegas; I have wine tasted in Northern California with friends are the kind of friends that are just…. home to my heart; I have driven to Western Puget Sound to spend time with my weight loss family; I spent a week in Boston with someone who thinks so much like me, we often say what the other is thinking, a woman I just adore beyond measure; I reconnected with an old friend who now lives in Hull, MA; I have traveled to celebrate one of my dearest friends’ birthday in full St. Patrick’s Day style, laughing so so hard and officially earning a new nickname within the group; I have had good conversations with a few ex boyfriends/ ex lovers/ ex  whatevers; I have spent quality time with my brother, who is my absolute favorite person in the world; and I have watched my grandmother, who is in her 80’s, take our entire family down in Cards Against Humanity. I am experiencing live as a wife … who has a husband. That is weird. And amazing. And … it’s just become this quiet depth I cannot put words to. It’s been so so much good. I have eaten fine food and drunk fine wines and I’ve just had SO MUCH LOVE and joy.

The more I make space for myself, and my marriage, and for listening to myself in regards to other relationships with friends and family, the more I feel my heart expanding. The more I feel my soul take deep, satisfying sighs that are both silent and loud all at the same time. I feel a sense of peace I haven’t felt in a long time.

I spent a day and night with a friend I’ve known 16 years, but haven’t seen in about 9 (I’d guess). It was like not a day had passed other than… we’ve lived a lot of life in those 9 years and had much to catch up on. But the spark that has always drawn me to her is still there, is still burning bright. This woman… she is gold. Pure gold. And when she left this morning, my chest actually hurt. I drove to an appointment with my hand over my chest, just… feeling my heart beat, aching. And it wasn’t sadness or loss, it was simply just bursting with happiness and love. And although, rationally, we all know this, it was one of those strong emotional “ah-ha” moments of the truly infinite nature of one’s heart. How blessed I am to be able to so fully and genuinely love so many different kinds of people in so many different kinds of ways.  How  GRATEFUL I am, also, to feel so much love from others.

I am simply fulfilled in the most delightful ways. And I needed to express my gratitude for that… to you, to myself, to the universe.

How 2017 will be different

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I’m a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I generally work really hard to meet the goals I set for myself each year and some years I set a lot and some years I set a few and some years I kick ass and some years not so much. I feel accomplished when my goal is achieved but I don’t let it get me too down when a goal is not achieved, but rather, I use that as more information on how I can improve the next time I try.

I have been thinking about 2016 coming to a close and 2017 as a clean slate ahead and all that comes to mind is how I want 2017 to be different. Not clear “resolutions” like I typically do, but general themes in which I want to see some shifting, some easing in, some thoughtful purpose towards.

So what does that mean? Let me share….

2017 is the year I will lose the regain I’ve had in the last 18 months. I know that sounds very typical of a standard New Year Resolution “I want to lose X pounds” and I don’t suppose it really is any different. For me, though, I really am going to have to fake it until I make it. I need a complete diet overhaul. I am committing to a full ketogenic diet for the first 5.5 weeks of the new year. That will be enough time to see how I feel eating in such a way and see if I  have any positive side effects such as weight loss, reduction in cravings, more energy, etc. While losing the weight I’ve put on is VERY important to me, feeling great and being healthy is my primary motivator. As always, an attempt more to change my relationship with food than anything else. Why only 5.5 weeks you ask? My husband and I are being gifted a wine tasting trip to Santa Rosa, CA and while I don’t intend to just jump into baguettes and ice cream, I do expect I’ll taste some wine. Then I can come home, reassess and either continue on, or find another plan.

2017 is the year I incorporate yoga and/or Pilates in to my workout routine. I’ve had this one before and yoga is difficult for me, but I know my body needs it. I am very good at weight lifting. I am begrudging at cardio. And I feel like I need to find a balance between lifting, cardiovascular exercise and stretching. I have already scheduled my first Pilates class for January 3rd. 🙂

2017 is the year when I will try harder to nurture the friendships who care to nurture my friendship in return. I am a really good and loyal friend and I deserve friends who are responsive; who make me a priority; who make me feel valued and important. Two way streets are my goal. Which also means spending more time and energy on those friendships I recognize as maybe I haven’t been as equal in giving myself to as I should. I will be the friend I expect someone else to be… and if someone can’t meet me in the middle, I will recognize that and let it lie where it is.

2017 is the year I change my relationship with alcohol. More breaks, less excess, more appreciation, less recklessness. That’s all I need to say about that right now, but it is in the forefront of my mind as something I need to do for myself. I don’t always believe this, but I think, deep down, I know I’m a worthwhile and fun person, even if I go to social events and only have club soda. It has been known to happen.

2017 as a whole may end up looking very different than we’re used to on a national level, but for me, in my world, I’m going to work on the things I do have control over. On things I can do better at. On ways in which I can make my life, and the lives of those nearest to me, happier and more fulfilled. These are the ways 2017 is going to look different for me. I will walk into the year expecting all of these things to be true and will work hard on a physical, emotional, spiritual level, to remain consistent in what I want to see and how I want to feel next year.

How do you want your 2017 to be different?

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Sausage Sweet Potato Hash (Whole30)

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This dish is literally like crack to me. I can eat it for every meal until it’s gone (usually about 3 days). It is so. so. yummy.

INGREDIENTS

  • 2 large sweet potatoes or 3 small to medium (about 3-4 cups), shredded with a grater
  • 1 lb pork sausage (unseasoned, organic if possible)
  • Ghee (or butter if you’re not doing Whole30)
  • Salt to taste
  • Cinnamon to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

  • Brown your sausage in a large, deep sided skillet on  medium-high heat. Drain, if necessary.
  • Add your shredded sweet potato and stir regularly for about 5 minutes.
  • Once a bit softened, add your ghee. Start with 4-6 Tbl cup, but as you fiddle with the seasoning, you may add a bit more. I am generous with this ingredient, which is probably part of the drug-like quality for me. 😉
  • Cook, stirring regularly, until ghee is melted and sweet potato is cooked through, usually another  5-8 minutes.
  • Add salt and LIBERAL cinnamon. Taste. Add more salt and cinnamon to taste. Seriously. I add more salt and cinnamon to this than I ever think is reasonable but it turns out perfectly. I usually start with 1 Tbl salt and 1 Tbl cinnamon and go from there.

I ALWAYS top this with an over medium or poached egg. getting all that yummy yolk mixed into this is literally like heaven in my mouth.

If you try this, let me know how you like it!

Turkey Stock!

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I seem to be able to connive my family out of the turkey carcass every year. I break it into two large hunks and make two big batches, combine the broth together, then cook it and freeze it to use throughout the year. It’s SO YUMMY and a great way to recycle and use all the leftover turkey parts!

Ingredients for EACH crockpot batch

  • 1/2 turkey carcass
  • 2 medium yellow onions, coarsely chopped (large pieces)
  • 7 organic carrots, diced
  • 1 small bunch of organic celery, diced
  • 1/2 turnip, diced
  • 1 parsnip, diced
  • 1/2 bunch of organic parsley
  • 3 sprigs of fresh rosemary (optional)
  •  5 leaves of fresh sage (optional)
  • 2 bay leaves

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INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Throw it all in a large crockpot, fill with water and cook on low for 8-10 hours. (having done this twice, I recommend putting the carcass in first, then the veggies so the bones are fully submerged).
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    Before shot of batch #2

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    After shot of batch #1

  2.  

    Once the time is up, set up a fine mesh colander and ladle the soup, carcass and veggies into the strainer, emptying into the garbage every few minutes as it gets full, ensuring it’s drained well each time.  20161127_092956_resized

  3. If you are doing two batches, like I needed to do b/c my turkey carcass was THAT big, combine all the soup together and fully cool overnight.
  4. I measure the soup into 1.5 to 3.5 cup jar serving sizes, label and freeze, so I know exactly how much is in there when I need it for a recipe. Be sure to leave a little room in the jars for the broth to expand in the freezer, which it will. Even with cooled soup, never fill a jar of liquid to the top and then freeze it… it will expand and you’ll have a very frozen, very broken jar of soup on your hands (can you tell I’ve done that a time or two?)

I use this stock throughout the year and it really does make the BEST soups. I had a ham hock on hand and made a Ham Hock Vegetable Soup using the fresh broth and it was DIVINE! If you also have a ham hock on hand, get to stocking your freezer for deliciousness!

Whole30 Essentials

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Monday starts my attempt to keep my regain in check over the holidays and set myself up for getting the regain off in 2017. I’ve done the Whole30 a few times and I have a few essentials I recommend to start off right.

It’s so hard to give up sugar, but to give up sugar, dairy, butter, etc. etc. is super hard. So in the days before and the first few days after starting Whole30 is getting a few basics in the kitchen to make planning and following the program easier. When I’m prepared, it makes it easy for me to succeed.

So here are few things and recipes I recommend.

I can’t live without my chicken salad and the thing that makes my chicken salad as magical it is, is the homemade mayonnaise. Recipe is found here.

It’s hard to live a life without butter, ketchup and salad dressing. Luckily, you can make ghee easily from butter and sugar free ketchup and dressing options. I plan on making ghee tomorrow using this recipe here. This is a great and easy way to make ketchup and have it on hand.

Beasty BBQ sauce is fun to play with and Sunshine Sauce is the bomb.com and amazing as a dip or even on hot vegetables and this sausage gravy is literally the most amazing thing to eat/ use/eat copiously.

These two salad dressing are my favorites and I take them with me when I eat out during the Whole30.

Pine Nut, Basil and Balsamic Dressing

ingredients: 1 garlic cloves, peeled and bashed to a pulp; 1 good handful of fresh basil, bashed to a pulp; 1 small handful of toasted pine nuts, bashed to bits; 6 Tbl olive oil; 3 Tbl balsamic vinegar; seat salt and freshly ground pepper.

Magic bullet / blend all ingredients. Add more oil if you need more moisture.

Cilantro-Lime Vinaigrette

Ingredients: 1 cup packed cilantro; 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil; 1/4 cup lime juice; 1/4 orange juice; 1/2 tsp salt; 1/2 tsp pepper; pinch of minced garlic

Directions: Magic bullet / blend all ingredients until processed.

Here are some recipes I’ve tried lately that are a great place to start.

Roasted Lemon Chicken (low carb)

Kielbasa, Bacon & Cabbage soup

Sausage and Veggie Skillet

And try these for a great snack or to add to a scramble!

Apple Sage Sausage Patties

Ingredients:

  1. 1 medium honeycrisp apple peeled and shredded
  2. 1 lb ground pork
  3. 1 Tbl fresh sage, finely minced
  4. 1/4 tsp ground black pepper
  5. Coconut oil for cooking

Directions:

  • Have your ingredients all in one place. Once you do, heat up a large pan over medium heat. Add 2Tbl coconut oil
  • In a medium bowl, combine ground pork, shredded apple, sage, salt & pepper, by gently combining it with your hands. Now, take silver dollar portions (about 3 Tbl) of sausage mixture and gently form it into a patty. Place it in the hot pan and continue until all of the sausage has been formed into patties.
  • Cook for 3-4 minutes on the first side. Test by seeing that there are those wonderful browned marks. Flip it over and cook for an additional four minutes. you can test the inside to ensure no pink remains. I so, cook for an additional minute.

 

If you’re battling the holidays with me, let me know how you like the recipes and what your favorite go to recipes are. Happy dining!! ❤

 

 

 

Crockpot Pulled Pork Chili

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Please caution that this recipe packs some SERIOUS punch regarding heat. I’m a total wuss when it comes to spicy food and this was too much for me, but I couldn’t stop eating it because it was so flavorful and delicious. SO… make note of my edits below if you want to reduce the heat for this. Serves 8-10

INGREDIENTS

  • 2 pound pork roast, excess fat trimmed where possible.
  • 5 garlic cloves, peeled
  • 1/2 cup hot sauce (use 1/4 cup if you’re concerned about heat)
  • 3 Tbl smoked paprika
  • 2 Tbl garlic powder
  • 2 Tbl chili powder
  • 1 Tbl cumin
  • 1 tsp cayenne (use just a sprinkle if you’re concerned about heat)
  • 1/2 Tbl red pepper flakes (leave this out if you’re concerned about heat, or use just a pinch)
  • 1 Tbl salt
  • 2 yellow onions, diced
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1 yellow or orange bell pepper, diced
  • 2  (14 oz) cans of fire roasted tomatoes (organic if possible)
  • 1 (14 oz) can of tomato sauce (organic if possible)
  • Garnishment options: Sliced avocado, diced green onions, Greek Yogurt, Sour Cream.

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Place the trimmed pork roast in the crockpot
  2. Press a knife into the roast in 5 spots and press the peeled garlic cloves into the holes.
  3. Pour hot sauce over meat
  4. Sprinkle the dry seasonings (paprika through salt) on top of the roast.
  5. Place diced onions, peppers, tomatoes and tomato sauce on top of the roast.
  6. Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours (I did 9 and it was perfection)
  7. Garnish as you’d like with avocado, green onions, sour cream and/ or yogurt. Skip any dairy if you’re doing the Whole30

Bacon Deviled Eggs

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The title says it all. Basically it should be called “Delicious Yummy Goodness.”
I made these last night for movie night and I had, like, 5 halves left. They were a huge hit! nom nom nom

INGREDIENTS

  • 12 large eggs, room temperature (I leave them out overnight)
  • 6 Tbl Mayonnaise (homemade is best!)
  • 5 slices thick cut bacon, cooled and chopped finely
  • 2 Tbl pickle relish (use sugar free if you’re doing low carb/keto). I used a homemade sweet zucchini relish because I had it on hand but it did have a bit of sugar in it.
  • pinch of salt
  • pinch of pepper (optional)
  • sprinkle of paprika

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Hard boil the eggs by putting them in one layer in a pot, cover with water by at least one inch. Bring to a soft boil on the stove. Once boiling, cover, remove from heat and let sit for 13 minutes. Use a slotted spoon to put them into an ice bath (I use a large bowl with lots of ice and fill with water). Let sit for 10 minutes or so, then peel while they are chilled, but still a touch warm (they are easier to peel this way), under a trickle of running water. Dry well. (I let them sit on a paper towel for 10 or so minutes while I’m doing something else)
  2. Cut the eggs in half lengthwise and carefully squeeze the yolks out into a medium mixing bowl; crumple yolks with a fork.
  3. Add mayo into the yolks until it reaches a batter consistency.
  4. Add pickle relish and mix, adding a pinch of salt, to taste. (I put in a bit of pepper too)
  5. Add cooled, crumbled bacon and fold into yolk mixture
  6. Fill the egg halves with yolk mixture
  7. Sprinkle with paprika
  8. Eat and enjoy!!

Broccoli Apple Salad (bacon optional)

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I made this for a potluck recently as a vegetarian contribution and it was DIVINE. If you added the bacon, I think it would just be that much better! It was also my first ever attempt at blanching a vegetable. Super easy, as it turns out!

INGREDIENTS: (serves 4)

  • 2 cups broccoli florets
  • 1 apple, cut into smallish pieces (I used a honeycrisp)
  • 1/3 heaping cup walnuts, chopped
  • 1/3 cup dried fruit like craisins, raisins or whatever your heart desires
  • 1/2 cup mayonnaise (make it yourself for that extra burst of flavor, recipe coming soon)
  • 2 Tbl apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tsp honey
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 3 slices cooked bacon, chopped (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Blanch broccoli for about 1 minute in boiling water; pour into colander in the sink and cool with cold water. Drain well (let this sit for as long as possible to ensure it’s as drained as you can get it)
  2. In a small bowl, mix mayo, vinegar and honey to a smooth consistency.
  3. Place broccoli, apple, walnuts, dried fruit and bacon (optional) in a large bowl. Add dressing mixture and toss well to combine.
  4. Season to taste.

NOTE: I noticed the salad was a bit runny the first day, but it tightened up the second day and was equally delicious! Yum yum!

Roasted Broccoli & Cheddar Cream Soup

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Another one I wish I’d been more diligent on taking photos. This soup is comfort food at it’s best with more flavor than a mouth should be allowed to have. It is SO GOOD. I made it for my book club and it was gone faster than it took me to type this up (aka, it was a big hit). I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 large bunch broccoli, cut into florets
  • 2 Tbl oil, divided
  • 1 medium onion, diced
  • 4 garlic cloves, chopped
  • 1 tsp fresh thyme, chopped
  • 3 cups stock / broth of your choosing (I used the last bit of my turkey stock from last year’s Thanksgiving turkey)
  • 1.5 cup aged cheddar, shredded
  • 1 cup heavy whipping cream
  • 1 Tbl whole grain mustard
  • salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Preheat oven to 400F.
  2. Toss the broccoli florets in 1 Tbl oil along with a sprinkling of salt and pepper. Arrange them in a single layer on a large baking sheet and roast until lightly golden brown, about 25 minutes.
  3. Heat the other 1 Tbl of oil in a large sauce pan over medium heat. Add the onion and saute until tender, about 5-7 minutes.
  4. Add garlic & thyme and saute until fragrant, about a minute.
  5. Add the broth and broccoli, bring to a boil, reduce the heat and simmer, covered for 20 minutes.
  6. Mix in the cream, cheese and mustard. Let the cheese melt and season with salt and pepper to taste.
  7. Puree the soup with a hand blender or in a food processor or blender and enjoy!

 

OPTION: You can reduce fat by using milk or cream instead of heavy whipping cream. You can make it Paleo by using canned coconut milk instead of cream/milk also.
OPTION: You could garnish this with crumbled bacon or diced ham, too, for some extra flavor kick!