I was feeling a bit confused on what I should title this blog entry. You’ll see why… On one hand, is it a lesson of the backhanded compliment or a lesson of making assumptions? I don’t know. I haven’t decided. You choose.

So I’m at the gym today, doing back day, which is my least favorite day, for two reasons. 1. I have a weak and easily injured back and have to be super careful with my form and lift pretty light and 2. it incorporates floor exercises like planks and weighted hip thrusts and so on that I find so dreadfully boring. It should be noted that I only did one of three rounds of those exercises today because… ugh. Most days I win at my workout and today was no different, but I did call it a day 2 rounds early. I still got over an hour of a good sweat in so…. I’m okay with it.

I’ve mentioned before that when I get to the gym, I get into my zone. I do my cardio during my one minute “rest” periods between sets and my music choice makes or breaks my zone for the day. I am very specific and particular about the music I have on my work out play list and (sidenote, by the way) sometimes I listen to the same 3 songs over and over again because that’s the way I’m feeling that day. Some days it’s all 80’s hair bands. Most days it’s a blend of all the things. *I’m off track here* MY POINT IS>>>> I get my groove on. I dance, I bop around, I lip sync. I don’t care. I’m having fun and if it’s not fun for me, I won’t do it.

I usually am ignored (preferred) or get side eye (whatever, who cares, I have no shame) when I’m dancing around the gym and busting my ass, but today there was a gentleman I could tell was kind of keeping an eye on me. We exchanged smiles and a brief hello as we moved around each other in the same space. Just as I was calling my first round of floor exercises also my last round, he came up and introduced himself. We’ll call him Dan (his name was not Dan); he was in VERY good shape and, as I found out a minute from now, was 65 and a retired track coach. Awesome! He shook my hand and said “I’ve been working out my entire life an have never seen anyone bring the party to the gym the way you do.” And he said it with mad respect. I was tickled pink! I exclaimed “THANK YOU! I have so much fun and just jive out to my tunes and it makes my work out so much better!” We chatted for a few minutes and it was very pleasant and then, at least for me, turned a bit backwards.

Keep in mind I have zero doubt that this gentleman was coming from a very well meaning place, and that he really, truly did have mad respect and admiration for WHAT HE COULD SEE of me and what I was doing there. He then proceeded to tell me about his friend who lost nearly 400 pounds in 3 years with a combination of diet and exercise. And about a facebook group that provided him with fitness motivation. And how diet and staying active is so important to weight loss. And so on.

*PAUSE*….. I’m a fat woman. I know this. I have taken drastic measures to not be. I have weighed less. I have weight A LOT more. Alas, I am still a fat woman. But I’m still a success story. ALL I WANTED was to be able to walk and move with some level of ease and without debilitating foot pain. To maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle. Check, check, check. Goal achieved. Do I hope to take off my regain? Absolutely. Do I work every day to make the best choices for my overall health? No question. Do I hate myself because I’m still heavy? FUCK NO. I bust my ass. I am relatively smart and funny, I’m educated, I’m an awesome fucking person and friend and family member and wife and employee. My weight does not define me. *granted, I think I’m just now finally figuring that out, but you catch my drift here, yes?*

So what’s the problem, right? I walked home from my workout and the conversation just wasn’t settling well. Again, I reiterate that I fully recognize that he was trying to give me kudos and make comment on my awesomeness (because duh); but what was bothering me was… why would he assume I was trying to lose weight? Why would he take it upon himself to provide advice or insight on how to lose weight? Not all fat girls want to be thin. Not all thin girls want to be thin! As my husband would say “none of us have the body we want” and as Fergie would say, I was just there “working on my fitness.” Granted, my arms are flying everywhere. I try to keep my belly tucked away, but I can’t do anything about my booty and jiggly thighs. And it’s okay, gosh darn it.

Here’s the thing. I don’t look at Ashley Graham and think “she’s so pretty and fantastic, but poor girl just can’t get the weight off.

You know what I think when I see this photo? I am mad jelly that I have two tummy rolls that prevent me from wearing a two piece (even a tankini is questionable for my body). She’s fucking gorgeous and her confidence EXUDES from her. I bet she eats well and works out. I bet she does things to take care of her body and treat it like the temple that it is.

You know what I see when I look at this picture?

YOU GO GIRL! I think, that person is curvy and sweaty and HAPPY. Overweight? Yeah, I guess, that’s true, too, but it’s not the first thing I see (shocking, I know). If this person was not me, I wouldn’t see her at the gym and think “oh, good for her for trying to lose weight” I’d think “fuck yeah for working their shit, WHATEVER THAT MAY MEAN for that person.” Do you see where I’m going with this?

“Good job” and … “here is some advice on how to lose weight” does not feel like the compliment I know it was intended to be. It feels bad. The TRUTH is, I AM working on losing weight. I am. But Dan doesn’t know that. And it shouldn’t be assumed that I want to be talked to about it when I’m busting my ass and dancing around and all smiles. Dan doesn’t know anything about me or where I’ve come from and it doesn’t feel good to have that journey be assumed by someone you have never met. For all he knows, I’m not trying to lose weight at all and am perfectly content. I can talk weight loss and struggles and successes and failures and hear difficult feedback and thoughts and advice from people who KNOW me and know what my daily struggles are. I welcome those conversations because they are coming from people who are like my family.

But, Dan, “you rock and keep up the great work” would have sufficed.

I’m going to make it my personal mission to tell five people in the next week that I recognize their hard work. Period. No “but” and no advice. Just a non assumptive, good ‘ole recognition of their awesomeness.

End Rant. Happy Easter Weekend, friends! ❤